難易度：中級
さて問題です。次の英文の単語数は21語です。同じ意味を保持させながら、4語ほど減らせますか？
"There are several reports that suggest a slight reduction in sugar intake could possibly extend one’s lifespan by about 1-3 years."
（訳：糖の摂取を少し減らすことで、寿命をことによると約1～3年延ばせることを示唆するいくつかの報告がある。）
この文は冗長なので、単語数を減らすことができます。
「冗長な」文は、単語をあまりに多く使用しすぎて主張を正しく示せません。少ない単語数で主張を明らかにする―すなわち、簡潔に書く―ことは、英作文のあらゆる文型で優れたスタイルであると考えられます。さらには、簡潔に書ければ、特に単語数が通常は制限される要約（Abstract）の条件にも容易に対処することができます。
冗長さを減らす三つの方法を見てみましょう。
修正する：“There is/are [noun] that [verb]…”
（冗長） There are several studies that suggest a positive association between more moderate exercise in childhood and bone density.
（訳：小児期の適度な運動と骨密度との間には明白な関係があることを示唆するいくつかの研究報告がある。）
（簡潔）Several studies suggest a positive association between more moderate exercise in childhood and bone density.
（説明）上記の二つの文の意味はまさに同じですが、後の文のほうが3語ほど少ないです。
除去する：概念的に過剰な単語
（冗長）This effect could possibly be explained by alternations in biomechanical forces present in the device.
（訳：この影響は、デバイスに存在する生体力学的な力の交替によってことによると説明できる。）
（簡潔）This effect could be explained by alternations in biomechanical forces present in the device.
（説明）'possibility'の概念は'could'と'possibly'で重複するので、'possibly'は削除できます。
（冗長）The nanotubes had an inner diameter of about 60-70 nm.
（訳：ナノチューブは、内径がおよそ60～70nmであった。）
（簡潔）The nanotubes had an inner diameter of 60-70 nm.
（説明）"about（およそ）"の概念は、数値の範囲で示されています。
（冗長）The melting point is very critical to consider for welding materials.
（訳：融点は、溶接材料を検討するのに非常に重要である。）
（簡潔）The melting point is critical to consider for welding materials.
（説明）”very（非常に）”の概念は、'critical'という単語で示されています。
修正する：“Due to the fact that”, “Based on the fact that”, “In light of the fact that”, etc.
簡潔で読みやすい文にするために、これらの語句はたいていは"because"に置換できます。
（冗長） WordNet has been successful based on the fact that it is available on-line, it is free of charge, and it is a dictionary based on concepts: i.e., it provides much more than just an alphabetic list of words.
(訳：WordNetは、オンラインで入手可能で、無料で、概念型の辞書である（すなわち、単なるアルファベット順の単語のリストをはるかに越えるものを提供する）という事実に基づいて成功している。)
（簡潔）WordNet has been successful because it is available on-line, it is free of charge, and it is a dictionary based on concepts: i.e., it provides much more than just an alphabetic list of words.
（冗長）However, due to the fact that drug conjugates are utilized as the capture and detection molecules, this type of assay is susceptible to drug and target interference.
（訳：しかし、薬物複合体が捕捉分子および検出分子として利用されるという事実のために、この種の分析法は薬物と標的の干渉の影響を受けやすい。）
（簡潔）However, since drug conjugates are utilized as the capture and detection molecules, this type of assay is susceptible to drug and target interference.
それでは、あなたの番です。このTipの最初の冗長な文をもっと簡潔にできますか。マウスで下記のテキストを選択して答えを見てください。
“Several reports suggest that a slight reduction in sugar intake could extend one’s lifespan by 1-3 years."
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冗長さをなくすために
Uni-edit English Writing Tip 009
Reducing wordiness
Difficulty: Medium
Quick quiz: There are 21 words in the sentence below. Can you reduce it by 4 words while retaining the same meaning?
"There are several reports that suggest a slight reduction in sugar intake could possibly extend one’s lifespan by about 1-3 years."
Because this sentence is wordy, yes, you can reduce the number of words.
Sentences that are “wordy” use too many words to make their point. Making your point using few words—i.e. writing concisely—is considered good style in all forms of English writing. In addition, writing concisely makes it easy to meet word counts, especially in the Abstract, where space is usually limited.
Let’s look at three ways to reduce wordiness.
Revise: “There is/are [noun] that [verb]…”
Wordy: There are several studies that suggest a positive association between more moderate exercise in childhood and bone density.
Concise: Several studies suggest a positive association between more moderate exercise in childhood and bone density.
Explanation: The phrases are exactly equivalent in meaning, but the lower version uses three fewer words!
Remove: Conceptually redundant words
Wordy: This effect could possibly be explained by alternations in biomechanical forces present in the device.
Concise: This effect could be explained by alternations in biomechanical forces present in the device.
Explanation: The idea of ‘possibility’ is duplicated in ‘could’ and ‘possibly’, so ‘possibly’ can be deleted.
Wordy: The nanotubes had an inner diameter of about 60-70 nm.
Concise: The nanotubes had an inner diameter of 60-70 nm.
Explanation: The idea of “about” is implied by including a range of numbers.
Wordy: The melting point is very critical to consider for welding materials.
Concise: The melting point is critical to consider for welding materials.
Explanation: The idea of ‘very; extremely’ is implied by the word ‘critical’.
Revise: “Due to the fact that”, “Based on the fact that”, “In light of the fact that”, etc.
These words can almost always be replaced with “because” for a simpler, easier-to-read sentence.
Wordy: WordNet has been successful based on the fact that it is available on-line, it is free of charge, and it is a dictionary based on concepts: i.e., it provides much more than just an alphabetic list of words.
Concise: WordNet has been successful because it is available on-line, it is free of charge, and it is a dictionary based on concepts: i.e., it provides much more than just an alphabetic list of words.
Wordy: However, due to the fact that drug conjugates are utilized as the capture and detection molecules, this type of assay is susceptible to drug and target interference.
Concise: However, since drug conjugates are utilized as the capture and detection molecules, this type of assay is susceptible to drug and target interference.
Now you try: Can you make the wordy sentence at the start of the tip more concise? Select the text below with your mouse to uncover the answer.
“Several reports suggest that a slight reduction in sugar intake could extend one’s lifespan by 1-3 years."